VM fic: Fragile

[bennet_7]

After the fall out of episode 2.22 of Veronica Mars I really wanted to read something about Gia but I haven't come across anything so far. I've tried to write this fic so many times (ok, only about 5 times) and I finally had a break through this morning at about 1 AM.


Title: Fragile 
Author: Bennet
Pairing/Character: Gia, Logan, mentions of others
Word Count: 1,262
Rating: R for adult themes
Summary: Gia sits in the Sheriff's Department. Logan offers some words of advice.
Spoilers: Post 2.22, about a week after.
Author's Notes: Born out of my desire for angsty Gia fic, the characterisation was guess work as we haven't seen her dealing with this kind of situation in canon. She's had a little time to come to terms with what has happened but is still having difficulty accepting the truth. Logan is not his usual sarcastic self because he knows what Gia is going through and they finally have something in common - he's being nice ;-)

Gia sits quietly in the waiting room of Neptune’s Sheriff Department. She was never one for sitting quietly – always fidgeting, trying to see what everyone else was doing and be noticed in return. But now…now she likes being quiet, being still. Maybe she’ll turn into a statue. Maybe she’ll stop hurting.

She keeps her eyes trained on a stain on the floor that looks vaguely like Italy (if Sicily were located near Venice). This way, she can avoid the glances of the deputies which are always a nauseating combination of pity and disgust. She resents the mixed message even though she feels exactly the same way, like her body is going to shatter at any moment because surely this much pain, this many varying emotions, can not be contained with in her frame for much longer.

There is grief. Grief because she her father died in a fireball in the sky and she just aches because she is never ever going to see him ever again. She’s never going to sit down and watch a classic Shark game with him. He won’t provide a running commentary on the players and she won’t see his face light up when Cook gets a home run.

Never again will they eat breakfast together, where he’ll make waffles and tell her to take her vitamins. Never again will he look at her with disappointment etched on his face because she brought the Fiat home with a scratch. Never again will they avoid the tension in the house through mindless chatter.

Her life right now would be so much easier if she only had to contend with her grief. But there is more.

She feels betrayed by her father. He’s a…she can’t even think it, let alone say it. She used to think those people were the worst kind of evil. To touch a child…

She’s never been one for grey, always preferring black and white, good and evil, moral absolutes, hierarchy, system, order. Her mother loves order.

It’s easier to think of him as two separate people, or maybe that he had split personalities like Jekyll and Hyde. She can’t reconcile the man who hurt those boys with the man who tossed her up in the air and promised to catch her…and always did.

She feels stupid for not realizing the truth about him sooner. She’d always known that something was wrong in her family. Her parents sleep in separate rooms, she got sent away to boarding school, her brother is…intense and her mother organizes everything.

She blames her mother. Maybe if her mother had loved her father more, hadn’t been so cold, hadn’t been so strict, her father wouldn’t have had to…

No. She can’t blame her mother for that.

She can blame her mother for that moment when Lamb came out of the interrogation room and ordered Rodriguez to take Rodney to the hospital to be tested. Lamb had looked to her mother for confirmation (Is this necessary?) and her mother had shrugged her shoulders in helpless despair, not knowing if her husband had…done something to her son.

Gia hated her mother right then for not knowing. Because fathers shouldn’t touch their sons and mothers should be certain they haven’t.

Deputy Sacks held back her hair for her while she threw up in the flowerbed, and when she was done, he offered to drive her to the hospital.

She was proud of herself then, as she sat with Rodney, held his hand and told him in a strong, calm voice that everything was going to be ok.

But once Rodney was taken home by her aunt, all sense of purpose was lost and, ordered back the Sheriff’s department, she was left alone with her thoughts.

People she knows have been walking in and out of the building the entire week. Staffers with confused expressions have a single mantra: “I swear I didn’t know anything.”

She barely recognized Mac Mackenzie who looked at her with unseeing eyes as her parents tried to walk and hug her at the same time.

Veronica walked in smiling, holding her father’s hand tightly. Gia wanted to go up to her and punch her in the face.

“My Dad is DEAD and you’re smiling?!”

Instead she found that stain on the floor and focused.

A couple of deputies dragged Dick in around 11 AM yesterday. He kicked a trash can and then tried to punch Lamb. Then looked at Gia and muttered, “This is your fault.”

Gia loses track of time as she tries to build walls in her mind to stop The Truth about her father from contaminating the entirety of her brain. She toys with the idea of a Neuro-surgeon cutting it out like a cancer or Jensen Ackles performing an exorcism. She’s so busy thinking of ways to stop thinking that it takes her a while to realise someone has sat next to her.

No, not someone. Logan.

Hello Italy.

“It’s going to get better before it gets worse,” he says quietly. There is nothing of the regular Logan in his voice. None of the teasing, none of the sarcasm, none of the exasperation. His words are calm and measured.

She attempts to respond in kind.

“Don’t you mean ‘It’s going to get worse before it gets better’?”

“No. Better, then worse.”

She draws her knees up to her chin and clasps her hands around them as tightly as possible. He continues on.

“You’ll think you’re ok, that you’re getting better, that the pain is going away. But it’s not - denial, it’s a nice sunny place near the pyramids. Then one day, and it’ll be something small probably, it will all come back to you. It’ll be like getting dumped by the surf and the waves will just keep on coming.”

“Then what happens?” she whispers.

“You have a choice. You can be stupid or smart and being stupider is easier. You can act like an asshole and you’ll probably lose the best things about you. I tried being stupid last summer.”

“What are you doing this summer?”

“I’m being smart. It’s tougher. You’ve gotta get up every day and you can’t go round and piss off people just because you feel like it. But I think, this way, you get better.”

“Ok,” she says. Her eyes feel watery. Nobody’s ever been this honest with her before.

“And you’ll never feel just one thing about him. You’re going to love him and hate him and – "

“And I’ll just have to deal?”

“Pretty much.”

She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and nods.

“I’m sorry about your dad.”

“I’m sorry about yours too.”

He gets up and hands her a piece of paper. A phone number is scribbled across it.

“One day you’ll wake up and you’ll be better. Until then, when you’re doing something stupid because you think it might make you feel better, give me a call when you need help.”

She tries to smile and fails dismally.

“I didn’t think you liked me that much.”

“I don’t. But I know what it’s like. And I know how much easier it is to deal with it when you’ve got someone who knows what it’s like.”

She nods. Spoken words might cause her to break.

He heads off towards the door, with only a backwards glance and a flick of his fingers before he’s gone.

Gia settles back in her chair and clutches the piece of paper in her fist. She doesn’t feel better but she feels minutely more prepared to face the coming storm.

Comments

[ebonypsyche.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you did it- managing to make Logan OOC while keeping him completely in character. I think based on lesser intense things that have happened to Gia that this would be near to what she'd do. I have the scene where she confronts Veronica in defense of her dad in my mind so it's really not that of target

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you did it- managing to make Logan OOC while keeping him completely in character.

Me either ;-) I just the potential in him to do something nice for once, where he wouldn't gain a thing - sort of like in 1.07 with getting Weevil un-expelled.

[ksrli.livejournal.com]

you're amazing. You captured Logan perfectly with the right balance of snark and empathy. The Gia angst is perfect as well.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Aww. Thank you!

[afrocurl.livejournal.com]

You've made me want to hug Gia with this fic. I hadn't really thought of how she's going to react to what happened to her dad at all until this.

Gia's reactions to everyone coming into the station are vivid and interesting, especially since we don't get to see Gia thing too much.

Logan trying to be a better person, but still you know, Logan, works really well too.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

I think Gia probably came out the worst at the end of season 2 (though Dick is very close behind). She loses her dad at the same time she finds out he's a paedophile. The resulting confusion would be so hard to deal with.

Thanks for reading!

BRILLIANT!

[(Anonymous)]

That was absolutely fabulous!! I loved it. My favorite line was: "denial, it’s a nice sunny place near the pyramids." Oh, and the part where Logan admits he doesn't like Gia. Just fantastic!!

CC S

Re: BRILLIANT!

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[annest-of-annes.livejournal.com]

What a way to wake up and start the day. I hate angst, but my dear, you do it so WELL! I loved every second, especially the mental image that Gia tries to be an unmoving statue while life goes on around her and the characters move on without her, seemingly. It was fantastic!

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Aww thank you for the wonderful feedback!

I love your username btw ;-)

[koalathebear.livejournal.com]

Wonderful story and it's completely plausible as well. Logan in his own screwed up way is the only person who can possibly understand what Gia is going through. It's odd because today someone was telling me about some senior law partner from a large corporate law firm who has been charged as a pedophile and we were talking about how presumably he's married with kids and how hard it must be for his children to deal with the news that they never really knew their father. I hadn't really thought about Gia's situation until you point it out in this fic.

Thanks so much for sharing - very beautifully written!!

My favourite line was this:

“One day you’ll wake up and you’ll be better. Until then, when you’re doing something stupid because you think it might make you feel better, give me a call when you need help.”

Very Logan, very insightful ..

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I felt so sorry for Gia after 2.22. The betrayl of a parent has to be the most terrible experience and if anyone was going to know how she felt it would be Logan.

[dark-roast.livejournal.com]

After the fall out of episode 2.22 of Veronica Mars I really wanted to read something about Gia but I haven't come across anything so far.

Actually, I've written a Gia fic. (I'm rewriting at the moment.) I'm so glad you wrote this. There's just not enough Gia fic. And this is terrific. To see Gia try and deal with something like her father's death, something so huge and so monstrous, is painful and also fascinating, because we never get to see this Gia. It does feel very in character for her. Loved Logan's offhanded sympathy, and the little glimpses of Veronica, Mac and Dick, and... everything! Thank you!

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading. I'm so thrilled you liked it!

Actually, I've written a Gia fic.

This fills me with joy! I can't wait to read it - there really is a dearth of Gia fic.

[havemy-heart.livejournal.com]

This is really good. I think most people have ignored or just forgotten that Gia will be affected by what happened too, and Logan really is the only person who's been in a similar situation. I loved his whole speech about last summer versus this summer and how he's learned that being smart is the way to heal. Being stupid may make you feel better at the time, but it won't do anything to make the pain go away.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

I think most people have ignored or just forgotten that Gia will be affected by what happened too

The focus seems to be on Mac and Dick in terms of fic-that-is-not-being-written-about-Logan-and-Veronica ;-) I think Gia will be gutted by what has happened but I think she has the potential to show some inner strength.

[skybound2]

Wow. I don't think I've come across a post-season 2 fic yet that deals with Gia's emotions. To be honest, it hadn't even occurred to me. I was so caught up in the whole Beaver aspect that I hadn't thought much about Woody at all. So to see Gia's thoughts was really interesting. You'r right in that we've never really seen this side to Gia on the show, but I ahve a feeling that she would tend to the more quiet aspects of grief and guilt, since she's normally so talkative and perky. Excellent use of Logan as well. He comes across as honest while still seeming believable. Great job.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

she would tend to the more quiet aspects of grief and guilt, since she's normally so talkative and perky

That's exactly what I was going for ;-)

Thanks for reading!

I like

[tigereyes320.livejournal.com]

See I knew Logan could be something other the the OPJ, I also like how he admits a lot of what happened last summer was because he was stupid. No one can save you from being stupid.

I think he gave some excellent advice.

Re: I like

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

[amaria.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering why there weren't more writers tackling Gia after the finale. In her wake, the wreckage must have been ahem, epic, and so I thought the character would be a goldmine for writers out there. But then I realized that there was a paucity of Gia fics because of the simple fact that it would be hard to write. We know so much about Veronia, Logan, Dick. The damage to their clockwork wouldn't be so hard to fathom. But Gia, not much was revealed about her, and not much is written about her, yet her tragedy wells so deeply. So, really hard to write.

You've managed to get past that hurdle though. Congratulations. ;)

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering why there weren't more writers tackling Gia after the finale. In her wake, the wreckage must have been ahem, epic, and so I thought the character would be a goldmine for writers out there.

I was waiting and waiting for someone else to start writing Gia fics because, as you say, there is so much there for a writer to work with. And then I when I started writing I was all, "Damn, serious Gia fic is really hard to write."

Thanks for reading!

[amaria.livejournal.com]

It's hard enough to formulate Gia's thoughts, much less write them down coherently and poignantly. But, to use a cliche, you made it look easy.

Thank you for writing. :)

[sullyvann.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to tell you that I am rec'ing this in my personal journal. It was awesome!

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so happy you like it that much!

[kaosmalek.livejournal.com]

Oh, Bennet, this is absolutely wonderful. And so heartbreaking. I've thought a couple of times what Gia must have gone through, upon finding out her father was one of the worst kinds of evil, but I hadn't been able to translate the kind of horror knowing and loving that kind of evil would make you feel. Poor, sad Gia. And how nice to see Logan handing out some substantially good advice.
Great job!

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It was hard to write because there wasn't much canon to support the characterisation but I was all "dammit somebody has to write about tragic!Gia and it looks like it's going to have to be me"...and then dark_roast posted this awesome fic (http://dark-roast.livejournal.com/38778.html) a couple of days later ;-)

[bittersweet-99.livejournal.com]

i just read Broken, and wanted more gia fic :) that was really great. i loved Logan talking to her.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

[ze-german.livejournal.com]

Here's a proposition:
reading angsty fic, after just having watched Leon for the first time, and listening to centro-matic whilst reading was not a good Idea, but the fic rocks.

[bennet-7.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks ;-)

[sweetumms33.livejournal.com]

Great story. I hadn't even really thought about Gia after the finale, but she is in that same weird place that Logan is in. Its a great idea that he would try to help. As much as he is a jackass, I don't think Logan would wish his life on anyone. Very in-character and very good.

[alixtii.livejournal.com]

This is a Gia which is well-developed and fits in well with everything we know about her.

[celtic-flicka.livejournal.com]

Wow--I never thought about how much Gia and Logan have in common, given their respective fathers. What a great little fic.

[jillianfish.livejournal.com]

I really really enjoyed this the first time I read it and am shocked that I didn't comment then. Shame on me. I loved how Logan got the chance to stop being a screwed up, impulsive child and finally be a teacher, so to speak, for once. I can see him avoiding the situation, wondering if he should say something, then finally going ahead and being *gasp* kind. The straightforwardness of his speech was wonderful. the way he just sat down and said "it's going to get better before it gets worse." That was a great line and so true.

We didn't get to see enough of Gia after her dad was exposed, and this really adds something to her. Her denial, her not wanting to be noticed, her completely realistic struggle with trying to come to terms with who her dad really was and trying to place blame somewhere. A perfect opportunity for Logan to step in, swallow his snark and sarcasm and for once be something other than self-serving.

Great fic, I've loved it everytime I've read it. Bravo to you.

[spadada.livejournal.com]

Just re-read this. Still love it.

[hyperemmalawlz.livejournal.com]

I think I must have read this at least three times before posting a comment. Probably more like five. But anyway.

Well done! There really isn't enough Gia fic in the wake of all this (I wrote one, but I may have gone a little OTT tragic with it) and this fic handles what was essentially always a comic relief character, and plays the drama she's in beautifully. Nice snippets of all the other characters too, "My Dad Isn't Dead Yay!" Veronica, poor but comforted Mac, and angry!broken!Dick.

And, massive pats on the back for Logan, for stepping up and being nice.